


Smiles

by fauxtales



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Crying, Post-Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance, giving sora the breakdown he deserves after kh:3d
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29726010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauxtales/pseuds/fauxtales
Summary: It’s his job to be cheerful. To be the positive one. Even in the darkest of moments, Sora has to be the one to uphold the light. He has a smile on his face. This ship runs on smiles and Sora has the biggest smile of all.Even when he doesn’t feel it.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Smiles

It’s his job to be cheerful. To be the positive one. Even in the darkest of moments, Sora has to be the one to uphold the light. He has a smile on his face. This ship runs on smiles and Sora has the biggest smile of all.

Even when he doesn’t feel it.

The Mark of Mastery exam gets interrupted and Sora continues to smile. He continues on, staying positive, trying to tell himself that everything will be okay. They’ve made it out of tight spots before, and maybe he doesn’t actually have any of his friends with him this time, but he tells Xigbar and Xemnas that they are his power and he means it. Even with the distance, he can feel them, along with the ache in his chest that never seems to go away anymore. Then again, it’s hard to remember his friends when he just keeps losing.

He beats Xemnas, but it hardly matters. The darkness still comes up to swallow him, pull him down and lock him away in his own heart. They said they wanted to make him a vessel, another body for Xehanort to use. Sora isn’t all that sure how that works or the full implication of what it means, but it can’t be good. There is darkness wrapped around him and Sora isn’t aware of anything anymore.

The next thing Sora is aware of is the ceiling of the Mysterious Tower. Goofy and Donald are huddled over him and the moment they see his eyes open they are upon him. For a moment, all Sora can do is laugh with relief and hug them tightly, his friends finally back with him. He hears Mickey and Yen Sid speaking nearby and catches a glimpse of red hair that confuses him, but he doesn’t have the mental power to put together what any of that means at the moment. No, he’s too caught up in being awake and safe and back with people he knows.

Then he realizes that Riku is missing. It takes a moment to get some space, but when he does he finds his smile slipping. Riku is on the ground, his eyes closed. Sleeping. Sora can feel the panic in his chest and forces a smile on his face as Yen Sid and Mickey explain what happened. How he failed, and Riku had to bail him out. How Xehanort almost succeeded in taking him as a vessel. How it was all a lie. Axel - no, Lea - steps forward to apologize and explain his role in it all, but Goofy and Donald are still suspicious of him. They hardly let him speak before sweeping Sora to the side and distracting him with a tea party of all things. Hurt flits across Lea’s face and Sora aches to talk to him, but instead he lets himself get swept up in the chatter of his friends, falls back into the easy lie of a smile on his face and happiness in his voice.

Riku wakes up and Sora almost cries.

Riku is made Master and Sora isn’t.

It feels like something breaks.

Making up an excuse about how he slept through all the important stuff and has things to take care of is easy. Sora can say almost anything with a big enough smile and people will believe him. It’s a skill he has spent years mastering, and has used more in the last year or so than he ever expected to. Part of Sora worries he’s gotten too good at lying, that the words come too easily to him; another part is just glad that’s all it took for him to get away.

Traverse Town is an empty place. Perfect for hiding in. No one lives there naturally, as a world that only exists in the in-between, for those who need a safe haven from the darkness. It sleeps when the worlds are as they should be, but Sora knows how to find it now.

He walks those empty streets for hours, Dream Eaters trailing behind him. They flock to him now, drawn by what, Sora isn’t sure. Maybe it’s the fact that his smile has gone. Maybe it’s the thoughts swirling in his head about how he failed. Maybe it’s the premonition of nightmares born of being swallowed by the darkness again, of silver hair and gold eyes leaning over him in satisfaction. Sora’s face is wet when he wipes at his eyes. Everything overwhelms him at once and suddenly he can’t take it anymore.

He runs. He doesn’t know where he’s going, doesn’t know what his goal is, but he runs anyway. Through the streets of Traverse Town, past the accessory shop and the little cafe. Past the clothing store and the hotel. Past the fountain and underground, to the market area covered in lights and empty signs of life. The town feels as empty as Sora feels, signs of life and light around every corner but all of it hollow. Fake. False. Not nearly enough to actually keep anyone safe or warm.

When Sora finally comes back to himself enough to be aware of his surroundings, he is in front of a building he only vaguely recognizes. He’s sure he’s seen it, on one of his visits here, but he knows he’s never been inside. He looks up at it as he wipes at his eyes, the world still a blur as he does his best to stop the tears. The doors are a mosaic of colored tile, probably very pretty if they didn’t remind him so much of the stained glass at the top of the Door to Darkness. Sora pushes them open and steps inside.

Green is the first thing Sora notices. The building is full of it, bursting with life in the stange perpetual night of Traverse Town. It’s a garden, a large indoor space filled with plants and artificial sunlight. Unlike the twinkling lights of the rest of the city, this space feels almost welcoming to Sora, familiar in an aching sort of way that reminds him of home. The palm trees likely help with that feeling.

Sora wanders through the greenhouse. It’s bigger than it first appears, with a tunnel leading deeper inside to different rooms housing all kinds of plants. Some of them Sora recognizes, from Destiny Islands or other worlds that he has explored, but many are completely foreign to him. Most of them are still the base color of green that Sora is used to in plants, but there are shades he hasn’t seen and some plants are different color schemes altogether.

The Dream Eaters have caught up to him again. Or maybe this is a new group of them; Sora isn’t really sure. They flock around him regardless, some nuzzling right up against him, under his feet and arms, while others trail at a slight distance and merely watch over him. Those are the ones that remind Sora of Riku, so he tries not to look at them too close. 

Riku always has been something of a distant, silent protector for him. Sora appreciates it, he really does, but… He flinches away from his own thought, coming to a halt in the hallway outside what appears to be a butterfly room. He steps inside, letting the Dream Eaters huddle around him as he drops down onto a bench. Surrounded by Dream Eaters, butterflies, and flowers, Sora feels the tears starting up again.

He is appreciative of Riku, but he also resents him. It’s a small shadow in his heart, one that Sora does his best to press down, to push away - he’s supposed to be this great hero of light after all! Meant to save everyone by wielding the light and doing the right thing and being a good person. But it’s still there, swirling in his chest and trying to claw up his throat every time he looks at Riku these days. It’s hardly Riku’s fault; he’s only ever done what he thought was right, what he thought would help Sora. And Sora resents him for it anyway.

It hurts. Being held up as important, being told that he needs to keep himself safe while also charging into danger to save everyone else - and Riku is always there, hovering, protecting him from the darkness and the Organization and himself. Always there, but never close. That’s the part that Sora can’t stand, really. If Riku is going to be his great protector, why does he have to hold him at arm’s length to do it?

When did Riku become his protector anyway? Sora started on this whole path with a quest to save Riku, dammit! Sora’s the one who is protecting him! Yet Riku is always running so far ahead of him, advancing so much faster, that Sora doesn’t think he can keep up anymore. There’s a great battle coming, a final confrontation, and Sora is supposed to be ready, but instead he’s still needing Riku to come save him. He’s fallen so far behind, Riku has tried to stop to let him catch up.

It’s not fair, these feelings. It’s not their fault, neither of them; they didn’t ask for any of this. Even more, the obstacles they have faced have been designed specifically to tear them down. Can either of them really be blamed for feeling hurt by that?

A butterfly lands on Sora’s nose, blue and yellow wings fluttering softly. It looks so fragile. Sora clenches his hands in his lap as he has the impulse to crush it.

There is so much riding on him. So much placed on his shoulders. Sora knows that the expectations for him are high, and yet everyone keeps reminding him of his incompetence. How is he supposed to save everyone when all he can think about is how much he has failed?

“What am I supposed to do?!”

Sora brings his hand up and swipes at the butterfly on his nose. It’s a quick gesture, fueled by frustration and self loathing and Sora regrets it immediately as he hears the thud of something hitting the bench beside him. He looks down at the butterfly, one wing crumpled beyond repair, struggling to move on the smooth wood of the bench. Sora’s throat closes up and he thinks he might be sick.

Then he’s running again. Through the halls of the greenhouse. Out into the streets. There are Nightmares popping up around him, fighting with all the trailing Dream Eaters, but Sora ignores them as he tries to put as much distance between himself and the harm he does as possible.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t even make it out of the Fifth District. The Nightmares become too much, filling the streets and leaping at Sora and he’s forced to summon his Keyblade to even move another step. He swings at the nearest one, sees the flash of it dissolving into the air beside him and Sora feels a smile tugging at his lips.

It’s not a happy smile. It’s not a smile of joy or relief or even of sadness. Sora doesn’t even know why he’s smiling, if he takes the time to think about it, which he doesn’t. His Keyblade meets the resistance of a Nightmare and cuts through with a satisfying crack and Sora feels his smile growing. He’s run out of tears, but this ship runs on smiles and he’ll never run out of those. He can’t run out of those.

Even if the smile is as hollow as he feels.

_Is this what being a Nobody is like?_ Sora wonders. He can only hope that by the time he gets back to the tower, he’ll manage to make the smile touch his eyes. He’ll manage to be a bit more believable in his positivity.

No one needs to know about the crack in his heart. It’s fine. It’ll be fine.

Probably.


End file.
